Sunday, April 20, 2014

Two and a Half Weeks Home...an Easter Update



It's hard to believe we will celebrate one month with Caleb this week! He has been officially a Porter for almost a month and home for two and a half weeks!! I am happy to report that he is doing amazingly well!! When I think about all the change in his little life over the past six weeks I am completely in awe of his progress. His world was shaken when he was moved from Hope Foster Home, where he had lived for the past year, back to his orphanage in preparation for adoption and then two weeks later it was shaken again when he was driven to a hotel and handed over to two people he'd never met! He spent time in three different hotels with us in China, took three airplane rides and countless van rides with us and then ended up on the opposite side of the world with a bunch of pale skinned people who spoke a language he had never heard, ate food he had never tasted and called him a name he had never answered to!! It makes my head spin!!

First trip to the park

The first days home were HARD as we had expected. We'd been told that jetlag in a toddler takes 1-2 days/nights to overcome for EVERY HOUR OF TIME DIFFERENCE!! That translated into 12-24 days to correct his schedule! We were blessed that it only took about 7-10 days before he was sleeping pretty well and seemed to have his nights and days straight. He had a hard time adjusting those early days and it was impossible to differentiate between jetlag, fear, anxiety, frustration and just being a toddler who didn't like to sleep. It was likely a mixture of all of these! With loving consistency, he is now sleeping alone in his own bed in his own room all night...and seems to like it!! He goes around and blows kisses to all of us and says "Nigh-nigh" and then gets right into his bed!! He still likes to reach his hand out and hold the hand of whichever one of us is putting him down as we sing to him and occasionally he will lay in our arms and let us rock him which is so very sweet.

I've never seen a kid love a bath so much or wash so voraciously!!

His English is coming along too. He seems to understand almost everything we say and even though he only says a very few words (at least in English!), he is very good at getting us to understand him through gestures, sign language and sounds!



He has become extremely affectionate with both Steve and me. He will often run up to us and throw his arms around us and give us kisses. He is beginning to do this with the big kids as well, though they are often still in his personal space more than he likes! I got one unprompted kiss in China and I get several a day now. Watching his trust and love for us blossom is so incredibly beautiful!!

apparently this book is hilarious!!
 
We have been "cocooning" these early days home, meaning staying home as much as possible and minimizing interaction with people outside our immediate family. The purpose of this is to help Caleb firmly attach to us as his parents and siblings. We've gone to the park, run a few errands and had some short visits from grandparents but we have made sure that Steve and I are the only ones directly caring for Caleb. We had our first pediatrician visit and our first post adoption visit with our social worker. Both went very well. We went to church but kept Caleb with us as we will wait a few weeks and make sure we are seeing strong attachment before we leave him in the nursery.
 
Sliding with sis! 
 
Adoption and the change it brings are so beautiful and yet so very broken. I look at this beautiful boy who is giving us his heart and his kisses and I think of the woman on the other side of the world who gave that up and my heart aches. I think of the months of his life that I know nothing about and my heart aches. Someday Caleb will face these realities and the unanswered questions and his little heart will ache with the loss of his first family.

This kid falls right to sleep in the car!! 

I feel compelled to share our journey as a family in the hopes that it will encourage others who are considering adoption as well as sharing with all those who helped us so much through our adoption process. At the same time I feel very protective of certain parts of the story as I realize that all three of my children are human beings with their own stories to tell and I want to honor and respect that and not share things carelessly without considering this reality. This addition has brought change to our family and change is never easy. There have been moments when I have thought about how easy life used to be and I've longed for that easiness, but at the end of the day I wouldn't trade this journey or this process or most of all this SON for all the ease and comfort on the planet!!

When we started this process I wondered if I could love a child I didn't give birth to as much as the ones that I did. While I admit it has been extremely different getting to know a 20 month old that is suddenly my child with all kinds of ideas, habits, personality traits and experiences I know very little about than it was getting to watch a newborn grow and develop with my own genetics, I am here to tell you that motherhood is truly a miracle...no matter how it happens.  I love this sweet boy to the moon and back and then some!!

Caleb's first Easter!! Worshipping the risen Savior with Mommy!


Tuesday, April 8, 2014

Home Sweet Home!


We made it home!! I can't even begin to describe how wonderful it is to be home and together as a family of five!!

Our flight went very well overall - much better than we had expected! We joked about how Caleb's  behavior on the plane is a true testament to the power of prayer, Dramamine and Benadryl!! He didn't have any tummy problems and he only got really upset a couple times. He mainly sat and played and slept. He took about 3 naps on the long flight. We had bought a few toys for him in China and kept them hidden until the plane ride, which proved to be a good idea!





He was asleep when we landed in Chicago. He slept peacefully through another moment in the series of moments that have changed the life of this precious child in the past few weeks! This was the moment he became an American citizen! As we started our descent, I looked over at Steve and said "he's about to become an American!!" to which Steve replied with an excited "I know!!" The way the adoption process works for Chinese adoptions, their paperwork is prepared in advance and once they are on American soil, they officially become a citizen. I was struck yet again by what an awesome privilege it is to be an American. So many people want to come here and never are able to do so! We saw this first hand at the American Consulate in Guangzhou. Crowds of Chinese people lined up outside trying to obtain visas to get to the US! It really is such an awesome country! I had grown up hearing and believing that, but something about seeing first hand how much people want to come here brings a new sense of patriotism!

We got off the plane, strapped Caleb onto Steve with the carrier and quickly made our way through the line for immigration and customs. We were still with the two other families we'd been with for the entire trip and despite our exhaustion after having just survived a 15 hour flight with toddlers, we all had this excitement over our new little citizens!



We had almost a five hour layover in Chicago. We weren't sure how long customs would take but it turned out to be pretty quick for us. We grabbed some food and settled down to wait. During our wait we had to say goodbye to the other families that had been our travel companions. We were so sad to part ways but we were all so ready to get home!

After 4 gate changes and an hour delay due to the crew for our flight being on another late flight, we finally boarded the plane that would take us home! Caleb had done well for most of our layover but at the very end he was really struggling! I think the exhaustion and the long hours of travel were taking their toll on all of us! While we were waiting to board the flight to Louisville, we met another family from Louisville with several Chinese children. They were on their way home after a spring break trip and they struck up a conversation with us when they noticed we had a Chinese child. It turns out that they have a 7 year old daughter adopted from the same orphanage as Caleb!! What a small world and what a blessing to have met them! The little girl was so cute! She came over to me and said "I'm so sorry, but I don't remember your little boy!" Her dad explained that she had been adopted before he was born and then she was quite relieved to know she had not forgotten an old friend!

Once we boarded the plane, all three of us went to sleep. At this point, we'd been traveling over 24 hours and Caleb had napped intermittently but none of us had gotten very much quality rest during that time. The flight was very quick and I woke up just as we were landing. We were home!! I was so happy and the knowledge that I was minutes away from hugging Jasmine and Joshua coupled with my exhaustion started to make me very emotional!! As we approached the area where everyone waited for us I found myself walking faster and faster and then I caught a glimpse of my kids!! I dropped my bag and ran toward them and they ran at me and we were all hugging and I was bawling. Joshua said "I'm so happy I feel like I'm going to cry!" There was a big crowd of friends and family cheering for us, waving "welcome home" signs and waiting to greet us, even despite the lateness of the hour! It was amazing. So many people who had helped us fundraise, who had given freely of their time, energy and money, who had prayed for us faithfully every step of the way were now welcoming us home. I am still so humbled at the memory of it all!

The last several days we have been soaking up family time. The big kids still had Friday off for spring break, which was wonderful. We had some nice weather and played outside and inside. Friends have been bringing meals so that we could spend time resting and bonding with Caleb and that has been an incredible blessing!!







Jet lag is an ugly beast, especially when it involves a toddler trying to adjust to a new hemisphere's time zone! The first several nights were very difficult but we are beginning to see improvement in Caleb's sleep habits. He is definitely now at least tired at the appropriate times, but he still wakes up to make sure we are still here. I'm pretty sure he has never slept in a room alone before so that takes some getting used to, but he is adjusting well for the most part. (I've been talking to the other mamas we travelled with and their little ones are doing a lot of the very same things, so I am quite reassured that this is to be expected!)

Caleb is a strong willed, resilient, smart, silly and loving child. I'm amazed at his ability to smile and to love so freely after all he has been through in his 20 month lifetime! We have finally been home longer than we were in any one hotel with him in China, but I keep reminding myself that he has gone through so many rapid changes in the last few weeks that it will take time for him to realize that our family is forever.

He absolutely ADORES Jasmine and Joshua and the feeling is quite mutual. They are all very much in a "honeymoon" phase. I don't expect it to last forever, but I am eating up the sweetness and the newness as we settle in to our new normal.

Caleb is learning English quite well. He seems to understand a great deal of what we say and has begun to repeat a few words. He says "hi" and "bye" very well. He  also says "more" and just this morning he looked at Steve and said "daddy"! (He has been calling us both "mama" and Steve keeps telling him "I'm not mama, silly! I'm daddy!")

So this is it. Home. Let the journey truly begin!!

Tuesday, April 1, 2014

Consulate and Guangzhou Zoo

We had a very full day today! First, we had our consulate appointment. We met as a group down in the hotel lobby at 7:40 this morning and piled into a van to drive to the consulate. When we got there I couldn't believe how many people were lined up trying to get inside! They were all trying to get Visas to come to the US. Our guide in Beijing told us she's never been to the US because it is so hard to get a visa. We thankfully got to go through a special line for adoptions and didn't have to wait in the masses. I am reminded how blessed I am to have been born in the greatest country on earth. So many people want to come to the US so badly! So many things we take for granted that they don't have here! Like clean water....we have had to use bottled or boiled water for everything (except bathing) here....for washing dishes, for drinking, for brushing our teeth! I had no idea before I prepared for this trip how blessed we are to have clean water and clean air. The pollution and smog here is unimaginable until you experience it. Here in China the government controls nearly everything, right down to when you can drive your vehicle and how many children you can have. I am so very thankful for my freedom in America!!


We were allowed to take one quick picture outside but then had to leave our phones and watches with our guide outside. We were only allowed to carry our paperwork and a diaper and wipes in a clear large ziplock bag inside with us. Security is very high, like an American airport. We went through security and then inside the consulate where we took an immigrant oath on behalf of our children and then gave our paperwork to them to issue Caleb's visa. When the official finished checking our paperwork, he said some of the best words I've heard on this trip: "Congratulations, Mrs. Porter, your process is complete. Your son's visa will be ready tomorrow. Have a safe journey home." Not gonna lie, I choked up a little!! When we land in Chicago, Caleb will become an American citizen!

After the consulate, we went to the Guangzhou Zoo. Caleb loved seeing the animals. It was lots of fun. They have some of the same type exhibits we see at home, but also some different ones! They have a large exhibit of pigs and also of horses!! You can just drive through rural Kentucky and see those any time you want!
 



 
After the zoo, we drove to a traditional place for families to have group photos taken here in Guangzhou. This is the Five Ram Statue. It is based on a Chinese legend about the city. It started raining (again) as we were approaching the statue and we had to go up a LOT of steps to get to it, so it made for a challenging few minutes with all the babies, but we got the shot!
 
 

 
 
We also took an indoor group shot in the hotel lobby.
 
 
This evening our group split up. The families with the girls went on a riverboat dinner cruise while the families with little boys went to try a famous local noodle house for dinner. It rained all afternoon (again!) and the boat cruise was several hours and with our active boys we didn't feel like wrestling them to contain them on the boat for the dinner and entertainment for several hours. The sweet girls in our group have calmer dispositions than our wild boys!! We loved the noodle house! There was no English, but the menu had lots of pictures so we pointed at what we wanted and they brought it to us. It was super yummy and a great experience for our last night here.
 
Tomorrow, our guide will pick up our kids' visas at the consulate and bring them to us in the hotel at 4 pm where we've arranged for late checkout. We will then ride in a van to Hong Kong to stay overnight before we fly out Thursday morning. I can't believe only 2 more sleeps till we board that plane to come home. This trip has been an incredible once in a lifetime experience that I will always treasure but I just can't wait to be home!!